Montessori Tidbits Part 2

Here is Part 2 of the series, Montessori Tidbits: Ideas & Practices for newbies to the Montessori Method. Parts 1, 3 ,4 and 5 are also posted here on the blog. I hope that you find this series helpful, and give Parts 1, 3,4 and 5 of the series a once over.

 

Now, for Part 2 of the series!

 

 

Discipline

Discipline; the dreaded subject of parents and teachers alike. It is something that most people do not want to talk about or discuss. Discipline is unfortunately looked at in a negative nature, when in all actuality, it can be a positive thing. Discipline is normally described as a way to train others to obey the rules of desired behaviors; most times using punishment to correct misbehavior.

 

That is the WRONG way of thinking!!

 

 

 

 

 

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In no way should you use PUNISHMENT to correct negative unwanted behaviors. For the best results, it has been shown that using positive responses or reactions to misbehavior is key. Having a positive reaction to a negative instance is more effective. In this post, I will give you alternative ways in which discipline can be positive, along with tips and resources that are useful.

 

 

Why Positive Discipline?

 

When I enrolled in my Montessori teacher training program over twenty years ago, there were a select set of books that were required for me to purchase and read. One of them was Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson, Ed.D. In the book, Jane Nelson explained how parents who use kindness and firmness to teach life skills will encourage self-respect, self-discipline, cooperation, desired behavior, and problem solving skills in the their children. This line of thinking goes right along with the Montessori practices and principles regarding self-respect and self-discipline.

Maria Montessori believed that discipline was something that was not already present. She also believed that our task as adults was to show the way to discipline, and that wisdom and discipline were waiting to be awakened in the child. It is important that adults provide opportunities for children to learn responsibility, respect and cooperation…this in turn leads to positive discipline.

 

 

What exactly is positive discipline?

Positive discipline is a form of discipline that combines firmness with dignity and respect. It gives freedom to the child, with order, the ability for the child to make choices within limits, and promote behaviors that shows respect for all. In the positive discipline approach, the rules are decided for mutual benefit, solutions to problems are also made collectively, and decisions are made using kindness, dignity, and respect.

Key elements of positive discipline are

-positive self-concept

-responsibility

-self-discipline

-cooperation

-open-mindedness

-objective thinking skills

-respect for others

-compassion

-acceptance of others

-courtesy

-honesty

-self-control

-patience

-problem-solving sills

-integrity

Other important aspects of positive discipline are natural and logical consequences, encouragement over criticism and redirecting misbehavior. These aspects are important in the process of successful positive discipline, and are explained in greater detail below.

 

 

Natural and logical consequences

A natural consequence happens naturally, without adult interference. It is something that happens naturally from an experience. For example, if a child chooses not to take an umbrella when it’s raining, and then gets wet from the rain; that is a natural consequence. Natural consequences provide an opportunity for a lesson to be learned from an experience. A logical consequence, on the other hand, takes place with adult intervention. Logical consequences require the involvement of children beforehand in determining what consequences will be the most beneficial in helping them learn from their mistakes, and correct the behavior in the future.

 

Encouragement over criticism

When a child is misbehaving, they need encouragement, not criticism. It is more effective to redirect the misbehavior to positive behavior . Adults need to get out of the habit of reacting to misbehavior in negative ways, and instead act ways that deal with why the child is misbehaving and motivate them to do better. Successfully using encouragement requires adults to use respect, interest in the child’s point of view, and a desire to influence skills that will eventually lead to self-confidence & independence in the child.

Redirecting misbehavior

Redirecting misbehavior gets children involved in the problem-solving processes. Redirect negative behaviors by encouraging the children to “fix” their behavior. By doing so, children feel better about themselves when they are allowed to experience the opportunity to learn from their mistakes and correct their behaviors. Redirecting behaviors is encouraging because children can learn to be responsible and accountable for their behaviors without being blamed or shamed. It’s a win/win situation for all parties.

 

 

 

 

10 Tips for Managing Discipline

To manage discipline, there are various tips that should be considered and implemented by adults. These tips are appropriate for use by parents and teachers.

 

1. Define expectations clearly.

2. Match expectations to the child’s developmental level.

3. Listen to what children say in order to connect with what they are feeling and thinking.

4. Offer choices when appropriate. When there is not a choice, don’t indicate that there is.

5. Show warmth and affection to your child(ren)-but, beware of mixed messages.

6. Allow children to be independent and self-responsible whenever possible.

7. Realize that not every child will respond positively or the same to you plan for discipline.

8. Start fresh every day.

9. Get out of yourself and in to the child.

10. Pat yourself on the the back for all the wonderful things you do for and with your child(ren) every day.

 

 

Positive Discipline Resources

Looking for more positive discipline and positive parenting resources?

Positive Parenting Solutions has a great course. The award winning online video program covers topics that include chores, bedtime battles, morning routines, and sibling rivalry; just to name a few. In addition to this course, there is also a free webinar to give you insight on what the course will entail. For more information, please click here.

 

 

In conclusion

I hope that with these suggestions and tips related to positive discipline and parenting you have a better understanding and outlook on what the real definition of discipline is. These are all tips and methods that are used in most Montessori classrooms and schools. I am so very thankful that I was introduced to positive discipline when I was taking my training; luckily it was also when my oldest daughter was still young enough for me to implement and use the suggestions into our family parenting style.

 

Do you have any other tips or suggestions that have proven to be successful in disciplining your child? Please let me know in the comments!

 

I hope that you found this information to be useful and helpful! If you missed any of the other posts in the series, check them out below!

Montessori Tidbits Part 1

Montessori Tidbits Part 3

Montessori Tidbits Part 4

Montessori Tidbits Part 5

 

Let me know about questions you may have about positive discipline!

Anitra J.